Termyn8or
Well-Known Member
You are at dinner at a friend's or relative's house. There is something horrible to you that you just can't eat.
How to handle it ?
T
How to handle it ?
T
Ettiquette
- Thread starter Termyn8or
- Start date
As long as it's not something that I'm actually truly allergic to, I'll eat it.
Too many times, people confuse "can't eat" with "don't want to eat."
medtran49
Forum GOD!
The rules of etiquette are a bit looser when it's friends and family. A friend of ours was in China on business and his hosts took him out for dinner. One of the courses was tiny live eels. He had to eat them or they would have been terribly offended.
I have to admit, with me and Craig, it's usually us doing the cooking as our friends and family don't cook like we do. One DGD has been baking, but fairly simple things. She doesn't seem interested in stretching out.
As to the original question, I would eat a few bites of the offending dish and find something really nice to say about something else that was being served. If questioned directly about the offending food, I'd just figure out a nice way to say it just wasn't to my taste or, in case it's 1 of the few things that will never pass my lips, I'd nicely explain that, though I doubt that will ever happen since I eat things the majority of them never will.
I have to admit, with me and Craig, it's usually us doing the cooking as our friends and family don't cook like we do. One DGD has been baking, but fairly simple things. She doesn't seem interested in stretching out.
As to the original question, I would eat a few bites of the offending dish and find something really nice to say about something else that was being served. If questioned directly about the offending food, I'd just figure out a nice way to say it just wasn't to my taste or, in case it's 1 of the few things that will never pass my lips, I'd nicely explain that, though I doubt that will ever happen since I eat things the majority of them never will.
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rascal
Forum GOD!
I would say I felt sick in my stomach and pass on the meal fearing I may vomit. 
Russ
Russ
madebyyouandi
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I live in Japan. After about five years here, I did a home stay in the north to "level up" my Japanese. I didn't know it at the time, but the family was trying to gross me out. I guess they thought it was funny, I don't know, but I handled every thing I did not want to eat or that tasted from funny to horrible with equanimity -- and no one ever guessed I was not enjoying what I was eating. It was only near the end that the wife told me what they'd been doing. And I was like, なるほど。
From my point of view, food is love. If someone makes something for you or wants to share it with you, it's one's duty to oblige.
From my point of view, food is love. If someone makes something for you or wants to share it with you, it's one's duty to oblige.
That was a mean thing to do. Offering one thing that is "gross" is funny, but not entire meals. If someone came to to Texas from someplace else, I might make a batch of "calf fries," which don't taste bad, and tell them after they eat a couple what they just ate. Then we all have a laugh, and eat some good, mainstream Texas food.
CD
flyinglentris
Disabled and Retired Veteran
Get on the cell phone and order a pizza for delivery.
garlichead
Über Member
I'm not in full agreement on this. If someone is very picky with what they eat and are going to friends for a dinner party then I would say it's your responsibility to contact the host and let them know of your preferences and dislikes. That doesn't guarantee the host will oblige because it could be a a 1 pot dish like lasagna or a stew. If it's a restaurant and a person asks that a dish be rearranged to suit your preference you have to be prepared that that might not happen and it has nothing to do with etiquette. Personally I always try to accommodate, but sometimes it's just impossible. Disordered eating comes with complications.
When I invite people over for a meal, I always tell them what I'm planning to make. I've never had anyone object, but if someone has a food allergy or can't eat gluten, I can work around it. I suppose if they don't like what I am making, they can make an excuse not to come.
CD
You can also offer to bring your own food, which I have done in the past. I remember years ago, a vegetarian friend was hosting a vegetarian Thanksgiving. I am very picky with vegetables and meat substitutes, and anticipated a night of eating rice with potatoes and bread, so I asked if I could bring a Tupperware with food for me. To which she replied "No you can't, this is a vegetarian Thanksgiving and I will be cooking delicious food for all of you". I ended up not attending that dinner.
The dietary restrictions thing, that can be just as hard on the people hosting as it is on the people attending, I think. It's a large part of why we don't really invite people over, not like we used to, anyway. I got tired of the "oh, this has onions in it...I'm allergic to onions" - no, you're not, you just don't like them, there's a difference! 😒
The person who's eaten here the most is my oldest brother, and I know his likes/dislikes (no raisins, dates, figs, or prunes, and "nothing weird").
We have a vegan married couple in the family, and they're the worst, because they basically want to dictate the menu to me, including ingredients and how it'll be prepared, and where the ingredients will be procured, every detail...and they wonder why they never get invited anywhere...
The person who's eaten here the most is my oldest brother, and I know his likes/dislikes (no raisins, dates, figs, or prunes, and "nothing weird").
We have a vegan married couple in the family, and they're the worst, because they basically want to dictate the menu to me, including ingredients and how it'll be prepared, and where the ingredients will be procured, every detail...and they wonder why they never get invited anywhere...
garlichead
Über Member
Yes that was unfortunate. Ideology comes with a whole list of unfortunate consequences.
garlichead
Über Member
Here's an onion situation for you. New Years Eve a very busy night in the restaurant when the server came to me and said the 4 people, which was a 4 top said they were allergic to onions and as a chef I take this very seriously. I told the server that there's onions everywhere and I couldn't guarantee cross contamination but said desserts are made at a different time and in a different area and said please enjoy a dessert but unfortunately I can't in good faith serve you anything on the savory menu. The server came back and said that onions were ok as long as they weren't obvious on the plate. Pretty funny moment actually.The dietary restrictions thing, that can be just as hard on the people hosting as it is on the people attending, I think. It's a large part of why we don't really invite people over, not like we used to, anyway. I got tired of the "oh, this has onions in it...I'm allergic to onions" - no, you're not, you just don't like them, there's a difference! 😒
The person who's eaten here the most is my oldest brother, and I know his likes/dislikes (no raisins, dates, figs, or prunes, and "nothing weird").
We have a vegan married couple in the family, and they're the worst, because they basically want to dictate the menu to me, including ingredients and how it'll be prepared, and where the ingredients will be procured, every detail...and they wonder why they never get invited anywhere...