What made you smile recently?

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A story from the most British of modern writers, the late, great Douglas Adams-: (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy etc)

"This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train.

I’d gotten the time of the train wrong. I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of biscuits I went and sat at a table.

I want you to picture the scene. It’s very important that you get this very clear in your mind. Here’s the table, newspaper, cup of coffee and packet of biscuits.

There’s a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase.
It didn’t look like he was going to do anything weird.

What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of biscuits, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.

Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with.

There’s nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your biscuits.

You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know. . .

But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do a clue in the newspaper, couldn’t do anything, and thought, what am I going to do?
In the end I thought, Nothing for it, I’ll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened.

I took out a biscuit for myself. I thought, That settled him. But it hadn’t because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another biscuit.

Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice . . .” I mean, it doesn’t really work.

We went through the whole packet like this.

When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight biscuits, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one.

Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away. Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back.

A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my biscuits.

The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who’s had the same exact story, only he doesn’t have the punch line."

Brilliant story, the best ones are true. I never saw the ending coming,lol.

I too have similar stories, one that lasted a whole week and 4 cats. You can't write this stuff.

Russ
 
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Oh, look what just arrived by delivery:












These are a gift from one of my wife's travel suppliers, a sort of "please don't forget us once people start traveling again!"

I know the Belgians and the Swiss are known for their chocolates, but the British are a fair hand as well!
 
Oh, look what just arrived by delivery:












These are a gift from one of my wife's travel suppliers, a sort of "please don't forget us once people start traveling again!"

I know the Belgians and the Swiss are known for their chocolates, but the British are a fair hand as well!
Hotel Chocolat is very good, definitely the best larger brand in the UK. Our favourite is the Mojito cocktail, unfortunately you don't seem to have any in that selection. I know you will enjoy.
 
Oh, look what just arrived by delivery:












These are a gift from one of my wife's travel suppliers, a sort of "please don't forget us once people start traveling again!"

I know the Belgians and the Swiss are known for their chocolates, but the British are a fair hand as well!


You live well tasty, really well.

Russ
 
I'm smiling a little less over that chocolate, as I checked the boxes and noticed the "best before end" date on all but two of them are 2020/05.

Now, I'm not concerned that on June 1st, that chocolate will suddenly deteriorate so drastically as to be inedible, it's more about the duplicity of the company that sent it: "Here, enjoy some expensive imported chocolates (that are about to expire anyway; may as well send them to you as to throw them out). Enjoy!" 🤨
 
I'm smiling a little less over that chocolate, as I checked the boxes and noticed the "best before end" date on all but two of them are 2020/05.

Chocolate last for far longer than the dates ever suggest. The worst that happens is that it has a 'bloom' on it which is completely harmless. You could try claiming money back from the company. But don't throw the chocolate out whatever you do.
 
Chocolate last for far longer than the dates ever suggest. The worst that happens is that it has a 'bloom' on it which is completely harmless. You could try claiming money back from the company. But don't throw the chocolate out whatever you do.
I'm not worried about the chocolate going off or anything. It was a gift from a company my wife deals with, and the card that came with it was very much in the way of, "this is how much we appreciate you and hope to continue to do business with you, our most favoritest person of all," and now it looks more like, "Crap, we have a bunch of chocolates about to hit their BBE date, offload them!" - we didn't pay anything for them and didn't even know it was coming. It's all about the deception.

Reminds me of the time we had a friend visiting, and when she arrived, we had a cake waiting for her. She was really touched, and almost emotional over it, and it was just a basic supermarket cake, but I'd had her name and "Welcome Home," put on it.

The next morning, she mentioned again how special that made her feel, and I laughed it off and said, "I had a coupon for a free cake from the supermarket, so it wasn't a big deal." I simply meant, "Quit lavishing all this praise on us," but she took it as, "You're not special enough to warrant any real effort on our part, enjoy your free cake," and it really upset her.

It's kind of like that. Don't tell me how awesome I am and give me free chocolates when it's just some stuff you had lying around, about to go past the BBE date. Just be honest and say, "I've got some chocolates that aren't as fresh as they could be, so have a few boxes on me."

Now, pardon my very slight rant, as it's time for my 10:30AM nearly-old chocolate break! :laugh:
 
I'm not worried about the chocolate going off or anything. It was a gift from a company my wife deals with, and the card that came with it was very much in the way of, "this is how much we appreciate you and hope to continue to do business with you, our most favoritest person of all," and now it looks more like, "Crap, we have a bunch of chocolates about to hit their BBE date, offload them!" - we didn't pay anything for them and didn't even know it was coming. It's all about the deception.

Reminds me of the time we had a friend visiting, and when she arrived, we had a cake waiting for her. She was really touched, and almost emotional over it, and it was just a basic supermarket cake, but I'd had her name and "Welcome Home," put on it.

The next morning, she mentioned again how special that made her feel, and I laughed it off and said, "I had a coupon for a free cake from the supermarket, so it wasn't a big deal." I simply meant, "Quit lavishing all this praise on us," but she took it as, "You're not special enough to warrant any real effort on our part, enjoy your free cake," and it really upset her.

It's kind of like that. Don't tell me how awesome I am and give me free chocolates when it's just some stuff you had lying around, about to go past the BBE date. Just be honest and say, "I've got some chocolates that aren't as fresh as they could be, so have a few boxes on me."

Now, pardon my very slight rant, as it's time for my 10:30AM nearly-old chocolate break! :laugh:
I receive e-mails from Hotel Chocolate because I have bought on line from them. So I can confirm that what you have there is the left over Easter stock that they are selling at 50% off 🤪
 
Went to the grocery, what a bunch of crap! They now have marked the aisles unidirectional. What Nazi came up with that? Even had some lady threaten to turn us in. We said go for it.
 
Went to the grocery, what a bunch of crap! They now have marked the aisles unidirectional. What Nazi came up with that? Even had some lady threaten to turn us in. We said go for it.
Some places, it's up to the individual shop owner, some places, I believe it's mandated by the state/local government, but I'm not sure. It's not mandated here, but I know of one grocer doing it.

Personally, seeing all the cart jams that happen from people going up, down, and sideways, it wouldn't bother me if it were like that all the time. That, or widen the lanes by a third. Once they cram those side displays up and down the aisle, there's barely room for one cart, let alone two.

That's why, when I shop, I usually just leave my cart at one end and get what I need from the aisle on foot. Then I bring it back to the cart. I'm like a shopping ninja. 🙅🏻‍♂️
 
What gets me about the directional aisles is that it forces you to go down aisles you don't need to, thus increasing time in store, increasing number of people you encounter, thus increasing exposure. It's ridiculous since the produce department isn't set up in any way, it's just willy nilly, as are the meat/cheese/milk cases. Let's not even talk about the fact that an employee squeezed himself in between me and the razor display to get a basket somebody had left while we were in line to pay. I doubt there was 6 inches between us, much less 6 feet.

And the leaving your cart at the end of the line wouldn't work for the directional Nazis, your body would still be going the wrong way at least half the time.
 
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