What would be your reaction to this - kitchen interference

blades said:
I'll pass. The Siren call to social media has never reached me.
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Reddit is no more social media than Cookingbites is (i.e. not really much at all). It's a discussion forum for every topic under the sun, so don't be put off - you can discover some amazing things over there.

For cooks there are some pretty interesting discussion forums (they call them 'subreddits') there as well.
 
TastyReuben said:
My short answer is that the poster had every right to be angry and to ban her SIL, but I think that the SIL has genuinely tried to make amends and has apologized, so it’s time to accept the apology, with the understanding that they’re all good to get back together again and socialize, but if SIL so much as looks in the general direction of the kitchen, she’s out.

She said the original sauce was “ruined,” so I’m going to take that as not only were the additions unwelcome, but the sauce itself tasted bad - if that’s the case, then yeah, I’d tell her to take the sauce she ruined or dump it.

However, if it’s just that she didn’t want all the sauce to taste the same, but that it tasted fine for what it was, I’d have kept half for my time and labor and given the SIL the other half.
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Ah - what do you do if after all the apologies and restitutions, she goes in and does it again? :)
 
caseydog said:
I would let her stew awhile (see what I did there). Accept her apology, but don't allow her in your house, or at least kitchen for awhile. Make the rules clear, don't tough anything I'm cooking with our my permission.

BTW, my dad loved to tinker with things, including my cooking in their kitchen. He mostly adjusted the stove temperatures higher. I told mim to STOP doing that. I would also make sure my sister was in the kitchen if my dad was in there (which is usually was, hovering), so if I left the room, she could watch him.

His father hovered while my grandmother cooked. She'd slap his hand with a wooden spoon. :laugh:

CD
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My mum is a bit like that. She thinks she's helping and will come in the room and say 'oh I just put the oven up to gas mark 9 in case the chicken won't be cooked enough.' or I'll have some nice steaks in the fridge and will come down to find that she's cut them up into cubes 'so you can make a nice stew'.
 
SandwichShortOfAPicnic said:
TLDR - it’s very annoying. My MIL is not a nice person.

I'm annoyed just by reading this!

It's smacks of domination behaviour and it's extremely arrogant to mess with what someone else is cooking.
I think they were absolutely right to put their foot down firmly but I would draw the line at a complete ban.
I'd ban them from the kitchen making them understand their interference is unacceptable, they are not to set one foot there, if they did there would be consequences.

I wouldn't be able to eat the tomato sauce, every turmeric laden mouthful would just remind me of the annoyance all over again!
It sounds like a lot more has happened to lead up to this point.

I agree with CD I would leave them to stew 😆 and if they add the same ingredients every time regardless they really can't cook.

I had awful kitchen experiences staying in a rental property with my MIL where she quickly made it apparent she was chief in charge, her desire to let me know I was the absolute bottom of pile was not fun.
Even something simple like stacking the dishwasher (which I have done a million times and am pretty good at jigsawing all the things together so it's packed but will still all come out clean) she would stand over me saying I couldn't put things where I was putting them and to move it. I tried hard to just do what she said so she would know I respected her seniority but it wasn't enough and became ludicrous.

Mr SSOAP didn't feel well one morning so didn't come down for breakfast, once breakfast was over and tidied away (it was just cereal and toast) I started to make him some fried eggs on toast. She hovered telling me which slice of bread to use and told me to put back the eggs I had chosen and to choose different eggs! I had a 5 and 6 year old and was used to running my own ship pretty efficiently so really didn't appreciate this not very bright woman playing domination games with me like a dumb animal.

I said no these are the eggs I want to use, she started to argue with me so I explained these eggs were the right size for the bread, as she continued to hover angry with me for disobeying her I got on with the eggs.

I couldn't believe it - both of the eggs rather than splurging out in the usual semi circular pan shape helpfully formed a two rectangular shapes exactly the same size as the pieces of bread, she was super disappointed it looked so perfect and I had the joy of quietly smiling to myself 😂

She asked before we left as they were driving and we were flying if I wanted her to take anything up for the kitchen, I said yes please just this kitchen knife. She mocked me and said they would have knives there and handed it back. I said I'd rather have the knife I'm familiar with and the knives in rental properties are terrible and slipped it back into the box.

When we arrived more mocking ensued about me being ridiculous as there were absolutely tons of knives there, I replied I hadn't said there wouldn't be knives just that they were always blunt in rental properties. Guess whose knife was permanently in her hands for the duration?! 😆

Mr SSOAP and I visited every distillery in Scotland to stay out of her way and I experienced what alcoholics do by sneaking out to the pantry for the odd glug of whisky to anaesthetise myself for the duration! 😆
Never again!
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I often wonder why there have to be personalities like this - your MIL and the SIL in the article. I guess as long as there are humans there will always be spiteful little people who feel they need to do something to someone else to make themselves feel better. Sad.
 
vernplum said:
Reddit is no more social media than Cookingbites is (i.e. not really much at all). It's a discussion forum for every topic under the sun, so don't be put off - you can discover some amazing things over there.

For cooks there are some pretty interesting discussion forums (they call them 'subreddits') there as well.
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I was just about to say that CB (cooking bites) is a form of social media.
 
TastyReuben said:
MrsT has some of that in her. No matter what I’m doing, she always makes one correction, no matter how small, just to say, “Now it’s right.”

Loaded dishwasher…she’ll move one item. Putting up a picture…I’ll level it with a level, and she’ll be right behind me to adjust it another millimeter. Straightening up something on an end table…she’ll come along and move it a half inch.

:laugh:
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That would drive me bananas!
 
JAS_OH1 said:
I was just about to say that CB (cooking bites) is a form of social media.
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Although it has elements of social media such as likes, I personally wouldn't classify it in the same group as Facebook, Instagram, TikTok.
 
vernplum said:
I often wonder why there have to be personalities like this - your MIL and the SIL in the article. I guess as long as there are humans there will always be spiteful little people who feel they need to do something to someone else to make themselves feel better. Sad.
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Yeah, my oldest stepdaughter has us up (she lives a little more than an hour away) for small gatherings or sometimes it's just us for dinner. We generally discuss dinner beforehand and I'll ask what I can bring. If she's cooking I'll offer my help but usually she says she's fine. I jump in for cleanup and she never complains. If we stay the night sometimes I'll bring stuff to make breakfast for us all. I'm very careful to be respectful of her territory and I'm pretty sure I'm not ever stepping on her toes. I wouldn't dream of changing her seasoning unless she says, "Taste this and tell me if it needs..."
 
vernplum said:
I often wonder why there have to be personalities like this - your MIL and the SIL in the article. I guess as long as there are humans there will always be spiteful little people who feel they need to do something to someone else to make themselves feel better. Sad.
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I see it as inadequacy but in the end her desire to control and dominate using nasty tactics to make herself feel good led us to a place where I have nothing to do with her. So yes I agree it's very sad.

Every now and then I think it's been years and I should give things another go but in reality I would be voluntarily re-entering a snake pit. Mr SSOAP will come back from one of his cups of tea with her and tell me what the latest nastiness is and I wonder what an earth I was thinking! 😂

I concluded after spending too many years around damaged family members that when some people grow up in a bad environment they don't know how to find any light and if they do they won't stay in it long without going back to dark behaviours they are comfortable with.
Not always of course, some people do amazing work on themselves and some even completely transform which is lovely to see.
 
SandwichShortOfAPicnic said:
I see it as inadequacy but in the end her desire to control and dominate using nasty tactics to make herself feel good led us to a place where I have nothing to do with her. So yes I agree it's very sad.

Every now and then I think it's been years and I should give things another go but in reality I would be voluntarily re-entering a snake pit. Mr SSOAP will come back from one of his cups of tea with her and tell me what the latest nastiness is and I wonder what an earth I was thinking! 😂

I concluded after spending too many years around damaged family members that when some people grow up in a bad environment they don't know how to find any light and if they do they won't stay in it long without going back to dark behaviours they are comfortable with.
Not always of course, some people do amazing work on themselves and some even completely transform which is lovely to see.
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I have a sister like that. She's dark, delusional, and nasty and lives behind a veil of self-righteousness she calls religion, but I can see right through it. I haven't spoken to her since our mother died in 2015 and I don't miss her one bit. I've 2 other sisters who aren't psychos. I've never been to my crazy sister's house (in South Carolina) and she has no idea where I live, which is perfectly OK with me.
 
I would accept the apology, but get a water gun and wait for the next time or try a super strong, non smelly chili inside the tomato sauce.... she behaves like a disrespectful child and needs punishment, that's for sure
 
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