The General Chat Thread (2016-2022)

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Okay so I wrote yesterday that the peace was returning here, and it is. But I wonder how long, because..

Yesterday evening my husbands ex wife kicked up a storm at the treatment facility for our stepson because he's underweight and not eating enough. Mind you, this has been his condition for the past five years. But suddenly she's blaming the facility for his eating disorder, and is demanding they make the only food he wants to eat or she'll remove him. She does not, or refuses to understand what it means that he has an eating disorder. She says he's fine as long as he gets his mashed potatoes, so they should give him that instead of treat him for his disorder.

Big yikes. This might cause the facility to stop treatment, and we'll be back where we started. I can't even think of that possibility. Right now my stepsons caretaker who arranged the stay is stepping in to talk with her, but she's a very mentally disturbed person so things might go south quickly.

I just hope the facility listens to my stepson who does want treatment over her.
 
Windigo said:
Okay so I wrote yesterday that the peace was returning here, and it is. But I wonder how long, because..

Yesterday evening my husbands ex wife kicked up a storm at the treatment facility for our stepson because he's underweight and not eating enough. Mind you, this has been his condition for the past five years. But suddenly she's blaming the facility for his eating disorder, and is demanding they make the only food he wants to eat or she'll remove him. She does not, or refuses to understand what it means that he has an eating disorder. She says he's fine as long as he gets his mashed potatoes, so they should give him that instead of treat him for his disorder.

Big yikes. This might cause the facility to stop treatment, and we'll be back where we started. I can't even think of that possibility. Right now my stepsons caretaker who arranged the stay is stepping in to talk with her, but she's a very mentally disturbed person so things might go south quickly.

I just hope the facility listens to my stepson who does want treatment over her.
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IIRC, your oldest son is an adult. Should he not have a say in his treatment? I'm thinking his treatment will go better if he is invested in it as a somewhat autonomous adult. I'm thinking he should be guided to make choices for himself that are good for him.

CD
 
caseydog said:
IIRC, your oldest son is an adult. Should he not have a say in his treatment? I'm thinking his treatment will go better if he is invested in it as a somewhat autonomous adult. I'm thinking he should be guided to make choices for himself that are good for him.

CD
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Well, he does not have the mental capacity of an adult. And we're hoping the treatment facility will treat him as an adult anyway way, we (my husband and I) have encouraged that all the time. He wants his treatment. He's been asked for permission at every step of the way, this is protected by law. He has a say in everything, but he wants it which is why he is now there.

But his mother can be very troublesome, and if she's going to harass the facility they may still get tired of it. That's our fear as it has happened before.
 
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Windigo said:
Well, he does not have the mental capacity of an adult. And we're hoping the treatment facility will treat him as an adult anyway way, we (my husband and I) have encouraged that all the time. He wants his treatment. But his mother can be very troublesome, and if she's going to harass the facility they may still get tired of it. That's our fear as it has happened before.
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I'm so sorry to hear this. Its a tricky situation. As a last ditch (if the worst happens), is there anything you could do 'legally' to ensure your stepson remains in the treatment facility?
 
Morning Glory said:
I'm so sorry to hear this. Its a tricky situation. As a last ditch (if the worst happens), is there anything you could do 'legally' to ensure your stepson remains in the treatment facility?
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No we can't, he is mentally behind his peers but he is not declared 'insane' which is a very legally complicated procedure and has to be agreed to by a judge. So he can make his own decisions.
The problem is however, that he's incredibly naive and can easily be persuaded that he has no right to speak up even if he does have that right. But his caretaker is stepping in to talk to him and his mom, so hopefully he becomes aware that he can stay in the facility as long as he wants and needs it and that his mother does not have to agree.
 
Windigo said:
No we can't, he is mentally behind his peers but he is not declared 'insane' which is a very legally complicated procedure and has to be agreed to by a judge. So he can make his own decisions.
The problem is however, that he's incredibly naive and can easily be persuaded that he has no right to speak up even if he does have that right. But his caretaker is stepping in to talk to him and his mom, so hopefully he becomes aware that he can stay in the facility as long as he wants and needs it and that his mother does not have to agree.
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His mom may be a fly in the ointment, but if I'm not mistaken, his dad is your husband. So, to be blunt, this is more his problem than yours, and I say that as a man. Obviously, I may not know the whole story, but I wouldn't let my current wife suffer from problems from my previous marriage.

CD
 
Windigo said:
No we can't, he is mentally behind his peers but he is not declared 'insane' which is a very legally complicated procedure and has to be agreed to by a judge. So he can make his own decisions.
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I was meaning legal action to prevent his mother from removing him from care. But I suppose if he himself decides to leave there isn't much can be done. I'm sorry.
 
caseydog said:
His mom may be a fly in the ointment, but if I'm not mistaken, his dad is your husband. So, to be blunt, this is more his problem than yours, and I say that as a man. Obviously, I may not know the whole story, but I wouldn't let my current wife suffer from problems from my previous marriage.

CD
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You can't just abandon a mentally ill person, can you? I knew he had two sons with mental health issues before I moved in with him. I accepted that as part of the deal.

And while I agree these are his sons and he is responsible for them, their living with me in the same house makes me too , affected by their wellbeing or presence.

There is no alternative option, due to my physical disabilties I cannot provide for myself and we're not affluent enough for me to live seperate from my husband. His ex refuses to take care of her sons most of the time, so they mostly live here.

And our healthcare system is based on volition, so if my stepson would leave our only option would be to force her to take care of him by keeping our door closed for him. Which would also be cruel and heartbreaking. Even with all the trouble he can cause.

There is no easy solution.
 
Morning Glory said:
I was meaning legal action to prevent his mother from removing him from care. But I suppose if he himself decides to leave there isn't much can be done. I'm sorry.
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Yes, there is no legal action we can take because he's an adult and his mother is not registered as his primary caregiver ( my husband is) ,but if she convinces my stepson that he needs to leave we can't do anything about that. She 's currently telling him he's being abused because he doesn't get mashed potatoes every day.
 
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