The General Chat Thread (2016-2022)

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Windigo said:
Going to be away from here for a while, was trying to open up about something but apprently thats an unsafe topic to breach. See you soon lovely people ❤
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There is nothing that's am unsafe topic to discuss, but you need to be ready to discuss it and accept that others will have different views. Eating disorders are part of life sadly. I too have one (possibly more). I have to be very careful. I spent most of my teenage years anorexic though never enough to be hospitalised (but I was a US size 2 at one point), but enough that my school and hence the dinner ladies kept a diary of everything I ate and drank at school including how much money my parents gave me for school meals (£1) and how much of that I spent or gave to my best friend (usually most of it).

I generally lived off
  • A cup of milky coffee for breakfast
  • A vending machine hot chocolate or small container of milk & 1980's sized Mars bar for lunch
  • 1 medium jacket potato and generous 2 teaspoons of butter for my evening meal (with another milky coffee)
  • Glass of milk before bed
The only time I for a proper evening meal was a Wednesday when my grandparents picked me up from school and we went there for the evening. Grannie would cook a proper vegetarian meal for me with dessert. Often a portion was set aside for me to take home for Thursday nights evening meal, though I usually shared that with my little sister and sometimes even smaller brother (both toddlers/pre school age).

The weekends involved toast and jam, cheese on toast or jacket potato... (brekkie if I are it, lunch and evening meal). It wasn't that I couldn't cook, both my Grannie and my school taught me, it was that there was simply nothing to cook with. My parents ignored me being vegetarian, bought meat or fish all the time and refused to cook separately or any different to account for me being vegetarian. In fact they simply ignored my need for food until my sister declared herself vegetarian and stopped eating (she was about 4 (four, not fourteen) at this time! ). Then they had a problem on their hands and had to address it finally. But through my entire 7 years at school, the same exact school clothes (2 dress, 2 skirts, 1 blazer and 3 blouses) fitted me, so from 11 to 18, I stayed the same dress size despite growing height wise.

At University, I lived off coffee, lots of shreddies (a breakfast cereal) in large quantities of full cream or raw milk (I could drink it them) and that was it until I moved in with my now husband. He had been brought up on home cooked meals where everyone sat down together (a strange concept to me except for at my grandparents') and so we did that. I still revert to not eating when he's not around and have to be very careful even after all these years. He actually arranges that the freezer has meals in it for me to just defrost & reheat for however long he is away!
 
TastyReuben said:
We'll be here when you come back, and we'll miss you while you're gone. :hug:
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Sorry everyone for blowing up emotionally like that, of course I understand these are public boards and people can disagree.
However I feel safe here and made a pretty major step by sharing something about my lifestyle changes, but I got some replies that were very triggering.
I can deal with that, I just needed to leave in case it got worse. But I am glad to see action has already been taken.

I am OK now, th ED doesn't rule me but it was why I got a little irrational yesterday.
Thank you all for the love mjd and TastyReuben and SatNavSaysStraightOn and The Late Night Gourmet

rascal ❤
 
SatNavSaysStraightOn said:
There is nothing that's am unsafe topic to discuss, but you need to be ready to discuss it and accept that others will have different views. Eating disorders are part of life sadly. I too have one (possibly more). I have to be very careful. I spent most of my teenage years anorexic though never enough to be hospitalised (but I was a US size 2 at one point), but enough that my school and hence the dinner ladies kept a diary of everything I ate and drank at school including how much money my parents gave me for school meals (£1) and how much of that I spent or gave to my best friend (usually most of it).

I generally lived off
  • A cup of milky coffee for breakfast
  • A vending machine hot chocolate or small container of milk & 1980's sized Mars bar for lunch
  • 1 medium jacket potato and generous 2 teaspoons of butter for my evening meal (with another milky coffee)
  • Glass of milk before bed
The only time I for a proper evening meal was a Wednesday when my grandparents picked me up from school and we went there for the evening. Grannie would cook a proper vegetarian meal for me with dessert. Often a portion was set aside for me to take home for Thursday nights evening meal, though I usually shared that with my little sister and sometimes even smaller brother (both toddlers/pre school age).

The weekends involved toast and jam, cheese on toast or jacket potato... (brekkie if I are it, lunch and evening meal). It wasn't that I couldn't cook, both my Grannie and my school taught me, it was that there was simply nothing to cook with. My parents ignored me being vegetarian, bought meat or fish all the time and refused to cook separately or any different to account for me being vegetarian. In fact they simply ignored my need for food until my sister declared herself vegetarian and stopped eating (she was about 4 (four, not fourteen) at this time! ). Then they had a problem on their hands and had to address it finally. But through my entire 7 years at school, the same exact school clothes (2 dress, 2 skirts, 1 blazer and 3 blouses) fitted me, so from 11 to 18, I stayed the same dress size despite growing height wise.

At University, I lived off coffee, lots of shreddies (a breakfast cereal) in large quantities of full cream or raw milk (I could drink it them) and that was it until I moved in with my now husband. He had been brought up on home cooked meals where everyone sat down together (a strange concept to me except for at my grandparents') and so we did that. I still revert to not eating when he's not around and have to be very careful even after all these years. He actually arranges that the freezer has meals in it for me to just defrost & reheat for however long he is away!
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Wow how sad that your parents just ignored your basic needs like that, no surprise to me that it helped create an eating disorder.
I'm very sorry you still struggle with self care too, thanks for sharing your story ❤
Would you say you're in remission? Because to me it sounds like you have a good grip on it.

I do too have a good grip on it , I have binge eating disorder and I haven't binged in 3 years. But, my body is hindering me and so I need to make some small changes.
I doubted if I should share it, but everyone here is usually so kind and supportive that I did :hug:
But yes, got triggered almost instantly and went away to calm down. Am OK now and ignoring anything triggering.
 
Windigo said:
Wow how sad that your parents just ignored your basic needs like that, no surprise to me that it helped create an eating disorder
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They refused to acknowledge that I wanted to be vegetarian at the age of 11. My ex step-father and I never got on. His approach was to ignore it, put his head in the sand, carry on roasting potatoes in meat fats for 'Sunday lunch' (an illusion we were a family, we were not. We were simply people living or not, in the same house. I ran away several times over the years). He would coat the carrots and parsnip in gravy made from the roast in the serving bowl. His approach to trying to force me not to be vegetarian. In exchange I just refused to eat, or I ate a bowl of garden peas I'd boiled myself to ensure nothing was done to them.
But more often than not, yelling ensued and I would retreat to my bedroom, a place of refuge not sleep. My mother was trying hard to placate him, save her failing marriage and study law at the same time.

Windigo said:
Would you say you're in remission?
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If hubby is away, I often don't eat. I am overweight right now, I didn't watch my weight carefully after my back went 6 years ago. I also didn't deal very well with going from super fit to hardly being able to walk 10 meters. I turned to my comfort foods.

Windigo said:
Because to me it sounds like you have a good grip on it.
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Yes and no. I'm not here much at the moment because I'm not dealing with the current problems, loss of mobility, prospects of surgery as well as the likelihood my osteoporosis is back yet again (3 bones broken from my fall plus stress lines in another major bone). I'm still in the healing phase for what can heal and that's got me confined to 3 rooms in the house. This morning was 7°C outside, only making it to 16°C this afternoon, so I couldn't get help, OK strike that, didn't want help, getting onto the veranda for fresh air. But earlier this week or was it Saturday? when it was 30°C I had help getting onto the veranda and we had lunch there as well.

Fresh air helps me.

Most of my comfort foods are no longer available to me, they contain dairy. But there is an exceptionally good dairy free chocolate ice cream that I turn to.

Do I have a good grip on it? no.
Do I have a grip on it? yes.

Does hubby help? He doesn't 'get' calories. We've always been active. He's 1 of 4 boys. He doesn't get females need roughly 20% less calories. He doesn't get we're not as active as we used to be. He doesn't get I'm not active at all right now (on blood thinners for that). He doesn't get that we've got that point in our lives where we also need fewer calories... you get the idea. He just piles the plate full and my other eating issue is that I was brought up to 'grateful' for having a full plate and to always have to eat everything on it. I can't leave food on the plate (from 3yrs old to roughly 8yrs old there was often no food on the plate at home and I relied on free school meals etc).

And too many calories trigger my episodes and too much on the plate = too many calories...

And yeah, I've tried the smaller plates. Doesn't work well here, doesn't work well on the smaller soup bowls but I have managed to get it to work (with hubby that is) for breakfast.
 
Windigo said:
But yes, got triggered almost instantly and went away to calm down. Am OK now and ignoring anything triggering.
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It is possible to put threads (and members) on ignore if you need to. It's easy to do and ready to undo once things have calmed down.

PM me or any other mod if you want to know how. It may even be in the help files in support. I installed an add-on to allow it specifically to help members deal with life and with other members! Like all families, they can argue about the smallest of things at the best of times and now is not the best of times in most countries.
 
SatNavSaysStraightOn said:
It is possible to put threads (and members) on ignore if you need to. It's easy to do and ready to undo once things have calmed down.

PM me or any other mod if you want to know how. It may even be in the help files in support. I installed an add-on to allow it specifically to help members deal with life and with other members! Like all families, they can argue about the smallest of things at the best of times and now is not the best of times in most countries.
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Yes I remembered the ignore button pretty fast after I posted about leaving for a while, I used it and it really helps. Thanks for making this feature :okay:
 
SatNavSaysStraightOn said:
They refused to acknowledge that I wanted to be vegetarian at the age of 11. My ex step-father and I never got on. His approach was to ignore it, put his head in the sand, carry on roasting potatoes in meat fats for 'Sunday lunch' (an illusion we were a family, we were not. We were simply people living or not, in the same house. I ran away several times over the years). He would coat the carrots and parsnip in gravy made from the roast in the serving bowl. His approach to trying to force me not to be vegetarian. In exchange I just refused to eat, or I ate a bowl of garden peas I'd boiled myself to ensure nothing was done to them.
But more often than not, yelling ensued and I would retreat to my bedroom, a place of refuge not sleep. My mother was trying hard to placate him, save her failing marriage and study law at the same time.
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I am sorry to hear you had such a bad time growing up, much like myself. Your stepfather was really insensitive to do this, reminds me of my father who would keep putting butter on my bread whilst I did not want to eat it for all of my childhood after a bad experience with it. Actually, reading on it's more than insenstive, adding gravy on purpose sounds like bullying to me. Sorry to hear your mother didn't stand up to him, is she still with him?
SatNavSaysStraightOn said:
If hubby is away, I often don't eat. I am overweight right now, I didn't watch my weight carefully after my back went 6 years ago. I also didn't deal very well with going from super fit to hardly being able to walk 10 meters. I turned to my comfort foods.
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I totally know how this feels, I struggle with exactly the same issue. After having multiple lung embolisms three times in the past five years, and now having asthma on top of it I went from active to the same activity level of an 80 year old with a walker. I've been using a step counter and I'm at a max of 3500 steps a day including my walk! That's really low for me, I used to never go below 6000 and even that is less than recommended but better than where I am now. I understand you have it even worse, with your foot in such a state you can't do much at all I imagine. I am really sorry for what you're going through right now, don't be too hard on yourself.
And yes, comfort food is understandable when you're bored and able to acces the fridge at whim. Same problem.
SatNavSaysStraightOn said:
Do I have a good grip on it? no.
Do I have a grip on it? yes.

Does hubby help? He doesn't 'get' calories. We've always been active. He's 1 of 4 boys. He doesn't get females need roughly 20% less calories. He doesn't get we're not as active as we used to be. He doesn't get I'm not active at all right now (on blood thinners for that). He doesn't get that we've got that point in our lives where we also need fewer calories... you get the idea. He just piles the plate full and my other eating issue is that I was brought up to 'grateful' for having a full plate and to always have to eat everything on it. I can't leave food on the plate (from 3yrs old to roughly 8yrs old there was often no food on the plate at home and I relied on free school meals etc).

And too many calories trigger my episodes and too much on the plate = too many calories...

And yeah, I've tried the smaller plates. Doesn't work well here, doesn't work well on the smaller soup bowls but I have managed to get it to work (with hubby that is) for breakfast.
Click to expand...
I am sorry, this must be very difficult for you. I understand the calorie issue, for someone with Anorexia this must be triggering. I still think you're doing well though, because you are eating despite this. You can be proud of that! Even if it means you are overweight, because you have a lot of contributing factors that get you where you are. You're doing all you can and I think that's admirable.
 
Windigo said:
Sorry everyone for blowing up emotionally like that, of course I understand these are public boards and people can disagree.
However I feel safe here and made a pretty major step by sharing something about my lifestyle changes, but I got some replies that were very triggering.
I can deal with that, I just needed to leave in case it got worse. But I am glad to see action has already been taken.

I am OK now, th ED doesn't rule me but it was why I got a little irrational yesterday.
Thank you all for the love mjd and TastyReuben and SatNavSaysStraightOn and The Late Night Gourmet

rascal ❤
Click to expand...

Glad for you.
 
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