What made you smile recently?

[The Velvet Curtain]

This is NOT intended to offend anyone. I know there are great dads out there. ;-)

-------------------------------

MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE

This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender.

Men Are Just Happier People!

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades, even if you are bald. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!

NICKNAME: If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild man.

EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.

MONEY: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

So, send this to the women who have a sense of humor .... and to the men who will enjoy reading.

Yup, pretty accurate.

 

[TastyReuben]

I have to make some observations:

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

I've worked in two locations where there was a woman who notoriously and shamelessly ogled the fellas' crotches - a definite, "My eyes are up here, ma'am" moment.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Not true. I've had (and have) various foot ailments because of forcing my feet into fashionable men's shoes. The wider and more comfy they get, the uglier and less fashionable they get.

I have band-aids/plasters and corn pads wrapped around my little toe as I type so I can wear these:

...and they're killing me!

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Oh, that's so not true...I'm the one who packed the iron!

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

This person has met neither myself nor my wife!

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

That was my dad. All growing up, if someone asked about us, he'd say, "Tell 'em how old you are," or "Tell 'em what grade you're in," because he honestly never knew.

 

[medtran49]

Okay, let's be honest here TastyReuben , we all know you are not a typical man. Pretty much everything on that list applies to Craig, as well as every other man I've ever known.

As far as men's crotches, when I was very young, my dad would drop me off at my mom's work place when he had to go to work, as he worked at night because they didn't want to leave me with a sitter. She was the secretary/assistant to the Assistant General Manager of a TV station and she did a lot. When she took a bathroom break, her boss and her boss's boss would literally send other women into the bathroom to ask her questions about what to do if a problem came up. No kidding. Anyway, my little ears heard her talking to some of the other women about a couple of the male reporters. Apparently, they would go around all day long "adjusting themselves" while standing and speaking to the women. Have to admit, my little ears took note of that and started watching. Yep, they did, so my little eyes started following them around because it was just so shocking. This was back in the 1960s.

 

[Lullabelle]

 

[Lullabelle]

Okay, let's be honest here TastyReuben , we all know you are not a typical man. Pretty much everything on that list applies to Craig, as well as every other man I've ever known.

As far as men's crotches, when I was very young, my dad would drop me off at my mom's work place when he had to go to work, as he worked at night because they didn't want to leave me with a sitter. She was the secretary/assistant to the Assistant General Manager of a TV station and she did a lot. When she took a bathroom break, her boss and her boss's boss would literally send other women into the bathroom to ask her questions about what to do if a problem came up. No kidding. Anyway, my little ears heard her talking to some of the other women about a couple of the male reporters. Apparently, they would go around all day long "adjusting themselves" while standing and speaking to the women. Have to admit, my little ears took note of that and started watching. Yep, they did, so my little eyes started following them around because it was just so shocking. This was back in the 1960s.

Apparently it 'gets complicated down there'

 

[TastyReuben]

Apparently it 'gets complicated down there'

After we'd been dating a while (and I was my wife's first "serious" boyfriend), we had this conversation about that:

"So, there's something I've always wanted to ask...how do you walk around with that...that...thing down there?"

Now, let me insert here that I took that as quite the compliment, for obvious reasons, and she could tell I was pretty pleased with myself, so she clarified some things for me:

"Oh, I don't mean that, I just mean that with everything...on the outside, so to speak, it much be...uncomfortable."

I went from 😏 to 😒 in no time.

 

[TastyReuben]

Okay, let's be honest here @TastyReuben , we all know you are not a typical man.

I have to share this:

As I've mentioned, we're in town for a wedding of sorts. All the women involved are out here today, family barbecue before the event tomorrow afternoon.

As you can imagine, a house full of pre-wedding bride and sister and Mom and aunt and girlfriends...let's just say, there's a lot of estrogen in the air.

The bride (niece) remembered she wanted to re-wrap her dried flower bouquet, and a couple of her friends started to grab for it.

Niece held it out of their reach and shouted, "NO! NO! Where's Uncle Tasty?! I want him to do it!"

One of the young women who didn't really know who I was asked why I'd be doing it - implying that's not a job for some old codger.

"Uncle Tasty has this, don't worry! He has a...a... 🤔...gentle, loving touch! And style!"

 

[Wyshiepoo]

This is NOT intended to offend anyone. I know there are great dads out there. ;-)

-------------------------------

MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE

This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender.

Men Are Just Happier People!

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades, even if you are bald. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!

NICKNAME: If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild man.

EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.

MONEY: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

So, send this to the women who have a sense of humor .... and to the men who will enjoy reading.

"DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals."

Often heard in the Wyshie house.

"Hey Mrs Wyshie do you want to come to the shop with me?"

"Not with you dressed like that, no."

 

[Wyshiepoo]

 

[The Velvet Curtain]

I have to share this:

As I've mentioned, we're in town for a wedding of sorts. All the women involved are out here today, family barbecue before the event tomorrow afternoon.

As you can imagine, a house full of pre-wedding bride and sister and Mom and aunt and girlfriends...let's just say, there's a lot of estrogen in the air.

The bride (niece) remembered she wanted to re-wrap her dried flower bouquet, and a couple of her friends started to grab for it.

Niece held it out of their reach and shouted, "NO! NO! Where's Uncle Tasty?! I want him to do it!"

One of the young women who didn't really know who I was asked why I'd be doing it - implying that's not a job for some old codger.

"Uncle Tasty has this, don't worry! He has a...a... 🤔...gentle, loving touch! And style!"

Are you trying to tell us something?

Which reminded me, I was working at the company's Manchester factory on Wednesday and I was looking at my phone. One of the Manc lads quipped " You looking at Grindr again?" I surprised myself with the speed of my response "Yes, someone nearby has set off the proximity alarm and I can't work out which of you did it".

 

[Lullabelle]

I have to make some observations:


I've worked in two locations where there was a woman who notoriously and shamelessly ogled the fellas' crotches - a definite, "My eyes are up here, ma'am" moment.


Not true. I've had (and have) various foot ailments because of forcing my feet into fashionable men's shoes. The wider and more comfy they get, the uglier and less fashionable they get.

I have band-aids/plasters and corn pads wrapped around my little toe as I type so I can wear these:
View attachment 64375

...and they're killing me!


Oh, that's so not true...I'm the one who packed the iron!


This person has met neither myself nor my wife!


That was my dad. All growing up, if someone asked about us, he'd say, "Tell 'em how old you are," or "Tell 'em what grade you're in," because he honestly never knew.

With regards to women looking at a man's 'area' it is a natural instinct to see if the guy is good enough to provide healthy specimens just as men check out women in a sometimes subconscious way to see if she can produce healthy babies.

 

[Lullabelle]

Are you trying to tell us something?

Which reminded me, I was working at the company's Manchester factory on Wednesday and I was looking at my phone. One of the Manc lads quipped " You looking at Grindr again?" I surprised myself with the speed of my response "Yes, someone nearby has set off the proximity alarm and I can't work out which of you did it".

bet that went down well.

 

[TastyReuben]

With regards to women looking at a man's 'area' it is a natural instinct to see if the guy is good enough to provide healthy specimens just as men check out women in a sometimes subconscious way to see if she can produce healthy babies.

My natural instinct would tell me to run far away from any woman likely to produce babies, healthy or otherwise.

 

[The Velvet Curtain]

My natural instinct would tell me to run far away from any woman likely to produce babies, healthy or otherwise.

Again, are you trying to tell us something?

 

[TastyReuben]

Again, are you trying to tell us something?

Yeah...that I married the right woman - in all seriousness, I think the first words she ever said to me was an expression of her extreme dislike of children. That's when I made a mental note to pay attention to that one.