The General Chat Thread (2016-2022)

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Backbay said:
WOW!!! I can fully relate/identify with what you said. I always say jokingly “I was born without the maternal gene” ... 🙃🤪

I,too, married a man with 5 kids who went on to have 8 grand kids between them. Great kids, self sufficient, they fully understand I am not the “motherly” type and we all get along great. For that, I feel extremely fortunate.
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Hahaha! Yes, I remember when my youngest stepdaughter was 14 or so. She and the sister who is 2 years older than she is came into the kitchen one day and I was giving them a taste of what I was cooking, and they said, "You are such a good cook, we are going to live with you and Daddy forever!" Boy am I glad that they changed their minds!!!!

I had a total wakeup call when I went from 0 kids to 4 in a matter of months. I was 37 years old, never been married (and was quite happy that way) and was a massage therapist in a resort town on the Gulf of Mexico where I spent most of my time at the beach swimming and doing water sports or hanging with my friends, going out to dinner and to nightclubs, etc. I had a lot of money, a nice house, and no real responsibilities. Then I met hubby and the 4 kids and moved to Ohio the same year. My life changed forever...the first couple of years was really hard, I guess it would have been especially hard if I would have children of my own or if me and hubby had one together.
 
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JAS_OH1 said:
Well thank you. We've just grown to accept him for who he is. He underwent radiation and chemo all those years ago, so the tumor is gone and he's in no danger, but the treatments changed him for life. We just often wonder what his could have been like, as he was quite bright and outgoing before he got sick.
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So sad. Its good that he has some independence. It must have been so difficult for you.
 
Morning Glory said:
So sad. Its good that he has some independence. It must have been so difficult for you.
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It has been an adjustment over the years, but he is a really good person and always was. That much hasn't changed. I count my blessings that he is happy with who he is and yes, that he has some independence. It does make it difficult for us if we would like to relocate (which we would both like to do someday) to a warmer climate, as he could not afford this house on his own, even though it's paid for, and he would not be moving with us if we leave OH as he would have a hard time adjusting to new things. He needs routine and consistency. His job doesn't pay him enough to take care of the property taxes and utilities for this house, plus his car and insurance. He doesn't know the first thing about paying bills.

And then I think of a good friend who has a 22 year old daughter with Cerebral Palsy, her daughter can talk and feed herself but she can't bathe herself or use the restroom by herself, she can't read or write, and she will never work or be able to drive a car. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for her.
 
JAS_OH1 said:
The whole family suffers, of course. My stepson had an inoperable brain tumor at 16. It was very scary, touch and go, we thought he was going to die. He lived, but he is forever changed. He will never be fully independent, even though he has a job and can drive. He isn't thriving and it's like he is stuck at 16 forever. He lives in a separate wing of our house. He pays rent and buys his own groceries and such. But he doesn't date, has never had a girlfriend, no friends (except at work)...and he's 32 years old, content to play video games and his guitar, never going anywhere or wanting more out of life. It's quite sad.
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Same thing happened to the daughter of some friends at age 6. She is in her twenties now, but still lives with her parents. She has a job, but can't live a completely independent life.

CD
 
Backbay said:
WOW!!! I can fully relate/identify with what you said. I always say jokingly “I was born without the maternal gene” ... 🙃🤪

I,too, married a man with 5 kids who went on to have 8 grand kids between them. Great kids, self sufficient, they fully understand I am not the “motherly” type and we all get along great. For that, I feel extremely fortunate.
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Something that hasn't been brought up is how people, unknowingly, hurt women who are unable to have children, for medical reasons.

That was the case with my ex-wife. On a regular basis, especially at church, people would ask us, "So, when are you going to start a family?" It didn't bother me, but it was like a little knife stab to my wife every time she heard it. It can also lead to an otherwise happy couple to divorce.

Something for everyone to keep in mind before they ask that question.

CD
 
caseydog said:
Something for everyone to keep in mind before they ask that question.
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Absolutely true. That's part of what always cheeses me off about that question - hey, maybe they can't have kids and desperately want them, thanks for turning the knife.

Ultimately, it's a very personal matter, and it's just best to leave the whole subject alone until the person/couple offer up the info.

Good friend at my first duty station in the 1980's, they wanted kids in the worst way and couldn't conceive. Tried and tried, and going through all the tests to find out why, discovered that there was something up with her reproductive system, and that she'd never have them.

Nicest woman in the world, really liked her a lot, and as soon as she found out she couldn't "fulfill her purpose," she self-destructed pretty rapidly - cheated on her husband, drug and alcohol abuse, and finally committed suicide.

I could see on her face, we'd be out together double-dating or something like that, the anguish whenever people would say something innocently enough, like, "You all get babysitters for the kids?" or something like that, the pure anguish she felt. I used to have a smart-azz response, like, "No...they're safe in the oven," but I stopped that in short order.
 
Opinions are seldom cast in iron. People fall in and out of love, meet people, travel, change habitats and cultural surroundings, study religions, books, movies, styles, hairdressing & makeup, cooking, neuroscience, biology, philosophy and/or ethical values, experience and observe the world, impress and tolerate their families and fellowmen, lose their loved ones, get sick, get unemployed, live in misery or thrive regardless of their income, quarters or country of origin. And all this because random nanoparticles happened to emerge from nothingness, bump into each other in space and form countless, geometrical and organic shapes which are more or less aware of themselves and their surroundings? Really? In my opinion atheism is a waste of time: belief in scientific truth - designated, developed, filtered, repeated and interpreted by fallible men with imperfect sensory perceptions and thoughts. Science itself is not a waste of time. It broadens the mind and makes everyday life easier (Novitshok, ballistic missiles & al excluded).

I´ve had friends who have been intentionally childless. When they´ve grown older or lost their companion or their mobility due to illness, they (not all, of course) have repented not to have risen a family to bring comfort and assistance. Godchildren, siblings, nephews and nieces tend to have lives of their own. And yes, I know there are many children who could't care less about their parents, too. And vice versa. I guess everybody gets his/her share of difficulties. Some are more equal than others.

Steam rises from my head when I hear someone complaining about noisy children or grandchildren. For God's sake - you´ve been a squeaking toddler with incontinence and undeveloped emotions and weak interaction abilities, too! Every child deserves positive abetment and parents and grandparents who give up amenities for their offspring. A certain amount of obedience goes without saying but if a child gets a bad eye every time he cries, plays loudly or opens his mouth, he learns to think that he is a bad person with bad qualities. That may produce just more rebellious behavior, mental problems, egoism and hedonism later on. And don´t I hate those grandchildren of our downstairs neighbors who stump their feet every Sunday and run around like, like...MANIACS! Oops, I did it again.

I think it is good that we agree to disagree on politics, religions and other matters of life. Nothing is certain except death. Luckily there is food and cooking to twist and turn around in relative peace.
 
Hemulen said:
In my opinion atheism is a waste of time: belief in scientific truth - designated, developed, filtered, repeated and interpreted by fallible men with imperfect sensory perceptions and thoughts. .


Steam rises from my head when I hear someone complaining about noisy children or grandchildren.
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Well, I feel like I wasted a big part of my life thinking that there was a "loving God" running his "creation." Cancer, wars, poverty... all things an omnipotent being could fix without effort. If he doesn't, he either is not omnipotent, or he's fine with all the death and suffering. "All part of God's mysterious plan." BS. And, blaming it on two people eating a piece of fruit? Double BS.

As for noisy children, let them roar at home. Not in a restaurant full of people trying to have a nice dinner. BTW, taking a child to a sit-down restaurant and expecting him/her to sit their for over and hour while the grown-ups eat is stupid and a bit cruel. They get bored! Take them to Chuck-E-Cheeze, and leave them home with a babysitter (and all their toys) when you go out for a grown up dinner.

CD
 
caseydog said:
As for noisy children, let them roar at home. Not in a restaurant full of people trying to have a nice dinner. BTW, taking a child to a sit-down restaurant and expecting him/her to sit their for over and hour while the grown-ups eat is stupid and a bit cruel. They get bored! Take them to Chuck-E-Cheeze, and leave them home with a babysitter (and all their toys) when you go out for a grown up dinner.
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My kids are not too bad really.

Given that they are 43 and 41 years old!
 
LissaC said:
One thing that really surprised me was finding out a lot of people don't like babies. Even a lot of people who have children didn't enjoy the baby phase of their children. I love babies and don't understand how people don't like them - the same way people who love dogs don't understand why I don't like them. I find it harder and harder to relate to children when they grow up. Babies are just so sweet.

Until I was 20 my life dream was marry a rich man and stay home with our four children. Nowadays I'm not sure if I would like that. Once I was sharing this with some of my older, female co workers, and they all said the same thing, you'll hate being a full time mom!
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We have no children-by choice, I have no maternal feelings towards children, no point having something you don't want/can't take care of properly.
 
Hemulen said:
In my opinion atheism is a waste of time: belief in scientific truth - designated, developed, filtered, repeated and interpreted by fallible men with imperfect sensory perceptions and thoughts.
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In some ways I envy those who have a faith but I am never going to be one of them. As caseydog says, there is so much suffering and sheer cruelty in this world. Sadly, much of it has been perpetrated in the name of religion. My partner who has dementia (early stages) has recently started to believe in a god. He hears the birds talking to him, saying his name and believes it is god talking to him. Maybe he finds it comforting? There is nothing I can say to convince him that birds can't actually talk!
 
Morning Glory sadly I agree with you on the religion part. I like to think of religion and faith as separate things though, and faith can be a beautiful thing on its own. I feel like this is a conversation so much bigger than this forum though.

Sorry to hear about what you're going through with your husband. When disease changes people's perception of the world, there's nothing you can do to bring them back to reality. Their reality is just different than ours. One of my mom's aunts had schizophrenia and she and my grandma used to get into screaming arguments with my grandma calling her a liar and my great aunt insisting everything she heard and saw was true. It was pointless. My great aunt was fully functional and independent and her delusions didn't cause her pain, and she was medicated for her illness, there was nothing we could do.
 
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