The General Chat Thread (2016-2022)

[Windigo]

My in-laws all get along as a family and welcomed me in when my family threw me out several decades ago. They never asked questions, just made me feel safe and tbh, I realised for the first time what a stable family was like. Everyone looking out for each other.

Same for me with my inlaws, glad you've also got a warm family you can call home.

Sad to hear however that you too have not come from a peaceful place.

 

[TastyReuben]

I may have been a bit unclear in my "every family" comment - just meant that in every family, there's abnormality and this ideal "Leave It To Beaver/Father Knows Best" family that we're all supposed to aspire to...those families are few and far between, enough so to be virtually nonexistent.

I think, especially going back just a generation or two, that if you didn't have that kind of "perfect" family life, then there was something wrong with you, and something you should be ashamed of, and your best action was to put on a false public face of family "normalcy" at home.

In my family, I would reference things like:

An uncle who abandoned his wife and family, moved to another state, still married, and fathered upwards of 30 kids with his catting around. His funeral was a sight to see, with all his unknown kids showing up.

A grandmother who was so loopy on all the meds she'd take that she'd get in her car and wreck it at the same turn in the road, so much so that locals took to calling that turn "Edith's Curve."

An aunt who feigned suicide (overdoses) every time she didn't get her way...and who magically recovered, without medical assistance, once her husband acquiesced.

We all have these characters in our families, some funny, some tragic, some all that rolled up. That was my point. Anyone with difficult folks like that in their family, just don't think you're alone or unusual that way...we've all got 'em!

 

[Lullabelle]

The storm is on it's way, getting really windy out there.

 

[Mewmew]

Blooming weather: if it's not raining, it's windy... *sigh*

 

[rascal]

Same for me with my inlaws, glad you've also got a warm family you can call home.

Sad to hear however that you too have not come from a peaceful place.

My m.i.l and I got on like a house on fire, we used to take her on our holidays every year, she was a spinster, and never remarried. She always came for Xmas here as well until she passed. She still wouldn't tell me who her fave son in law was. She had two, but I know I was the fave.


Russ

 

[rascal]

I may have been a bit unclear in my "every family" comment - just meant that in every family, there's abnormality and this ideal "Leave It To Beaver/Father Knows Best" family that we're all supposed to aspire to...those families are few and far between, enough so to be virtually nonexistent.

I think, especially going back just a generation or two, that if you didn't have that kind of "perfect" family life, then there was something wrong with you, and something you should be ashamed of, and your best action was to put on a false public face of family "normalcy" at home.

In my family, I would reference things like:

An uncle who abandoned his wife and family, moved to another state, still married, and fathered upwards of 30 kids with his catting around. His funeral was a sight to see, with all his unknown kids showing up.

A grandmother who was so loopy on all the meds she'd take that she'd get in her car and wreck it at the same turn in the road, so much so that locals took to calling that turn "Edith's Curve."

An aunt who feigned suicide (overdoses) every time she didn't get her way...and who magically recovered, without medical assistance, once her husband acquiesced.

We all have these characters in our families, some funny, some tragic, some all that rolled up. That was my point. Anyone with difficult folks like that in their family, just don't think you're alone or unusual that way...we've all got 'em!

Closest I got to abnormal was Aunty rose and uncle Trevor, she was an alcoholic. They weren't related but rose was a good friend of mums. We would visit at times and if rose was drinking you knew fireworks would ensue. I often wonder if mum took us to show us abnormal? If they started arguing she would pick up artificial fruit from a bowl and throw them at Trevor, while he ran from the house. Us kids ducked for cover. A tragic life as she jumped off a 10 story car park building about 25 years ago. My grandparents were " normal" IMHO. And great grand parents. My great grand father built the first privately ownedolympic swimming pool in his backyard. I still remember it. Genuine aunts and uncles were very good to us as kids.

Russ

 

[TastyReuben]

She still wouldn't tell me who her fave son in law was. She had two, but I know I was the fave.

When my FIL passed, my MIL was at that point in her dementia where she was still talkative, but she said things that she probably should have kept to herself.

At the luncheon after the memorial service, we walked in, and she was already there, or course, as were most folks, and we went over to say hello to my wife's sisters and their families.

My MIL spotted everyone, came over, and gave each of us a hug and a word of encouragement on an otherwise sad day:

"Oh, John, you spoke beautifully earlier today...Bert would have loved that!"

"Linda, you look so much like you dad, it just makes me feel good whenever I see you!"

Then she got to me:

"Well, Tasty, I don't have to say much to you, now do I? Out of all the ones the girls married, I'm sure you know Bert loved you best! He used to tell me all the time!"

Of course, "all the ones the girls married" were standing right there in front of us!

 

[rascal]

When my FIL passed, my MIL was at that point in her dementia where she was still talkative, but she said things that she probably should have kept to herself.

At the luncheon after the memorial service, we walked in, and she was already there, or course, as were most folks, and we went over to say hello to my wife's sisters and their families.

My MIL spotted everyone, came over, and gave each of us a hug and a word of encouragement on an otherwise sad day:

"Oh, John, you spoke beautifully earlier today...Bert would have loved that!"

"Linda, you look so much like you dad, it just makes me feel good whenever I see you!"

Then she got to me:

"Well, Tasty, I don't have to say much to you, now do I? Out of all the ones the girls married, I'm sure you know Bert loved you best! He used to tell me all the time!"

Of course, "all the ones the girls married" were standing right there in front of us!

Lol , my m.i.l loved getting away on holiday with us and her grandkids, near the end I would say over a meal, who's your favourite son in law Kath? She had this cheeky grin while looking away, and say you're all the same lol. Her other s.i.l never took her away or spent time with her. She was very diplomatic. We will be visiting our parents graves over the next few days,weather permitting. It's been raining for a week.

Russ

 

[rascal]

When my FIL passed, my MIL was at that point in her dementia where she was still talkative, but she said things that she probably should have kept to herself.

At the luncheon after the memorial service, we walked in, and she was already there, or course, as were most folks, and we went over to say hello to my wife's sisters and their families.

My MIL spotted everyone, came over, and gave each of us a hug and a word of encouragement on an otherwise sad day:

"Oh, John, you spoke beautifully earlier today...Bert would have loved that!"

"Linda, you look so much like you dad, it just makes me feel good whenever I see you!"

Then she got to me:

"Well, Tasty, I don't have to say much to you, now do I? Out of all the ones the girls married, I'm sure you know Bert loved you best! He used to tell me all the time!"

Of course, "all the ones the girls married" were standing right there in front of us!

On another note, my m.i.l had 2 daughters and 7 sons. Every one of those sons of hers married women that were never good enough for her boys. Except one son who never married. ( gay).

Russ

 

[caseydog]

My mom had a weird relationship with her mom. The two of them seemed to love driving each other nuts. I really think they enjoyed it.

Well, my grandmother died, and my mom got old, and year by year, she became more and more like her mom. My sister could clearly see it, but my mom couldn't. We generally ignored her when she got into "Nanna Mode."

One day, my mom was riding my a$$, and ignoring her wasn't working, and I blurted out, "Okay Nanna."

Oh, my mom went nuts, and practically shouted, "I AM NOT LIKE MY MOTHER!!!"

That is now my "nuclear option" if my mom pushes too many of my buttons. I rarely use it. I save it for extreme circumstances. She just gives me the hairy eyeball and walks away in a huff.

CD

 

[rascal]

My mom had a weird relationship with her mom. The two of them seemed to love driving each other nuts. I really think they enjoyed it.

Well, my grandmother died, and my mom got old, and year by year, she became more and more like her mom. My sister could clearly see it, but my mom couldn't. We generally ignored her when she got into "Nanna Mode."

One day, my mom was riding my a$$, and ignoring her wasn't working, and I blurted out, "Okay Nanna."

Oh, my mom went nuts, and practically shouted, "I AM NOT LIKE MY MOTHER!!!"

That is now my "nuclear option" if my mom pushes too many of my buttons. I rarely use it. I save it for extreme circumstances.

CD

My mum and her mum were mirror images of each other, my mum an only child so they were close. Rang every day and spoke a lot. My nana passed at 66, and my mum did exact same age. She willed herself to die. I'm dreading 66? No I'm not.

Russ

 

[TastyReuben]

On another note, my m.i.l had 2 daughters and 7 sons. Every one of those sons of hers married women that were never good enough for her boys. Except one son who never married. ( gay).

Russ

Let me tell you, no woman who ever married any of my mom's boys ever came close to being good enough. My mom barely tolerates her DILs.

All of us boys are used to it, and we share stories back and forth and laugh about it: "Hey, did you hear what Mom said about Debbie?" - "Yeah, well what she said about Christie is even worse!"

Mom has always been that way, we grew up around it l, so it's easy to laugh it off (some of the stuff she says is absolutely crazy), but it's really hurtful to our wives.

I could murder someone on the town square, confess and say I had no reason other than being a jerk that day, and my mom could twist it around to blame my wife. I have so many stories of crazy crap my mom has invented in her own mind to justify her dislike of her DILs - it's comedy gold.

My mom and my sister - they can't stand each other, but they also can't stop driving each other crazy. Mom will go to my sister's make some cutting remarks about something, my sister will yell at her and throw her out, and my Mom will call me up crying and say, "I'm never setting foot in that house again!" - two days later, she's down there again, and they're fighting again.

If I turned on the evening news and say that one had killed the other, it wouldn't surprise me. I'm not even joking. They have a bitter hatred of each other, but can't stay out of each other's way.

All of us boys, though, we get along great!

 

[rascal]

Let me tell you, no woman who ever married any of my mom's boys ever came close to being good enough. My mom barely tolerates her DILs.

All of us boys are used to it, and we share stories back and forth and laugh about it: "Hey, did you hear what Mom said about Debbie?" - "Yeah, well what she said about Christie is even worse!"

Mom has always been that way, we grew up around it l, so it's easy to laugh it off (some of the stuff she says is absolutely crazy), but it's really hurtful to our wives.

I could murder someone on the town square, confess and say I had no reason other than being a jerk that day, and my mom could twist it around to blame my wife. I have so many stories of crazy crap my mom has invented in her own mind to justify her dislike of her DILs - it's comedy gold.

My mom and my sister - they can't stand each other, but they also can't stop driving each other crazy. Mom will go to my sister's make some cutting remarks about something, my sister will yell at her and throw her out, and my Mom will call me up crying and say, "I'm never setting foot in that house again!" - two days later, she's down there again, and they're fighting again.

If I turned on the evening news and say that one had killed the other, it wouldn't surprise me. I'm not even joking. They have a bitter hatred of each other, but can't stay out of each other's way.

All of us boys, though, we get along great!

I think it's the age thing, my m.i.l cared nil for her daughters, but would walk over broken glass for her boys. It used to p@&$ me off the way my wife was treated so I guess that's why we included her in our travels. They got to be best friends In the end,my wife would check on her a lot she travelled all over nz with us, we returned home from Australia once and wife called into see her and drop a present to her. Sadly she died during the night.

Russ

 

[mjd]

Let me tell you, no woman who ever married any of my mom's boys ever came close to being good enough. My mom barely tolerates her DILs.

All of us boys are used to it, and we share stories back and forth and laugh about it: "Hey, did you hear what Mom said about Debbie?" - "Yeah, well what she said about Christie is even worse!"

Mom has always been that way, we grew up around it l, so it's easy to laugh it off (some of the stuff she says is absolutely crazy), but it's really hurtful to our wives.

I could murder someone on the town square, confess and say I had no reason other than being a jerk that day, and my mom could twist it around to blame my wife. I have so many stories of crazy crap my mom has invented in her own mind to justify her dislike of her DILs - it's comedy gold.

My mom and my sister - they can't stand each other, but they also can't stop driving each other crazy. Mom will go to my sister's make some cutting remarks about something, my sister will yell at her and throw her out, and my Mom will call me up crying and say, "I'm never setting foot in that house again!" - two days later, she's down there again, and they're fighting again.

If I turned on the evening news and say that one had killed the other, it wouldn't surprise me. I'm not even joking. They have a bitter hatred of each other, but can't stay out of each other's way.

All of us boys, though, we get along great!

I think it's the age thing, my m.i.l cared nil for her daughters, but would walk over broken glass for her boys. It used to p@&$ me off the way my wife was treated so I guess that's why we included her in our travels. They got to be best friends In the end,my wife would check on her a lot she travelled all over nz with us, we returned home from Australia once and wife called into see her and drop a present to her. Sadly she died during the night.

Russ

Thank you both for sharing your experiences. I am truly happy for each of you to be loved by your respective in-laws. I imagine that's an amazing feeling.

My in-laws never liked me. My MIL wouldn't even speak to me or acknowledge my existence until the day that her son told them he planned to propose to me. Given my "lovely" family and my future in-laws' attitudes, I didn't have a wedding. I am the only person whose photo is missing from both family's mantle.

A small part of me hopes that neither of my children will get married but I know it's not fair to think that way because of what their father did to me. Regardless, there is NOTHING either of my children could do that would make me turn my back on them. And, when the time comes, there will be nothing their respective spouses can do, other than hurt them, to make me dislike them. At that point, all bets are off and my Mama Bear will be in full effect. I just hope the stress doesn't kill me before they are old enough to build their own lives. I have already decided that I will love my son's future wife and my daughter's future husband.

 

[rascal]

Thank you both for sharing your experiences. I am truly happy for each of you to be loved by your respective in-laws. I imagine that's an amazing feeling.

My in-laws never liked me. My MIL wouldn't even speak to me or acknowledge my existence until the day that her son told them he planned to propose to me. Given my "lovely" family and my future in-laws' attitudes, I didn't have a wedding. I am the only person whose photo is missing from both family's mantle.

A small part of me hopes that neither of my children will get married but I know it's not fair to think that way because of what their father did to me. Regardless, there is NOTHING either of my children could do that would make me turn my back on them. And, when the time comes, there will be nothing their respective spouses can do, other than hurt them, to make me dislike them. At that point, all bets are off and my Mama Bear will be in full effect. I just hope the stress doesn't kill me before they are old enough to build their own lives. I have already decided that I will love my son's future wife and my daughter's future husband.

Don't get me wrong, my mum didn't like my now wife to start with. I was going out with a girl named Leanne who was loved by my mum and my nana. She said all the right things, did things to help when around them. They loved her, I thought I did too until I realised she was trying to get pregnant by me. She always used to say she was having lots of kids and she had perfect child baring hips. She had a perfect body. But in the end I finished it. then I met my now wife ( she eluded me 12 months earlier) . Within a month or so they became close. My wife was like the daughter my mum never had. Btw Leanne went on to marry my wife's brother, go figure, she was kinda stalkish, and I was a great catch lmao.

Russ