The General Chat Thread (2016-2022)

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I also dislike social gatherings, especially formal ones. But I had to do them quite often in my job. My top tip is to ask questions. People can't resist it if you are interested in them and ask questions. So I used to line up questions in my head (depending on the situation). When they answer a question just ask another one... and smile.

Easier said than done... but the key to it is to be more interested in them than in yourself. Basically, I'm quite curious so it was always quite fun finding out about them. Be nosey. :laugh: I used to come away from gatherings knowing one hell of a lot about the other people there - but they knew very little about me!
 
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SatNavSaysStraightOn said:
I don't get panicky but everything has its place and even when we were living out of a tent on bikes, everything went in a set place in each pannier, rack pack and bar bag. If I wanted something I knew exactly where it was and could easily get it in a few seconds. My OH on the other hand would be unpacking each and every bag until it was found even after 12 months on the road. Something I found and still do find, very hard to live with. I took to memorising where he put things when he was packing that day (usually by discretely watching him) I still do the same. Today he has his wedding ring with him (its not in the house, though this does not mean it isn't in a pocket somewhere, his phone has gone with him (saw him pick it up), the watch is about to be wrapped as a crhistmas present, and his tablet I have moved from underneath a cushion on the sofa (good thing we don't have children - but that is the difference between him and I, I brought my sister and brother up) and I have put it on charge to the right of the TV. Admittedly this now means it is not where he left it (good thing too) and it is in a black case on a black surface in a dark corner, but there is a black USB lead leading to it which would normally be on the wooden floor... these are the things I check. I have a semi-photographic memory in that I can tell you every pothole, grid, manhole cover, white or yellow line, bend, gate, hole in the wall, dangerous tree and everything else of every road I have ever been on whether it be as a passenger, driver or cyclist (or even pedestrian). I can tell you where on a page I read something to within a line or two (not by word count or line count but by the image in my mind - that is where I am different from most and why I refer to it as semi-photographic - numbers are hard for me being dyslexic, but images are surprisingly easy) I am boring that way, and it does and has cost me friends. I learnt a long time ago not to let on to people I meet in person. Online is different (thankfully) and means I can be me much more easily than around people - which is probably why I live rurally with no neighbours, rarely see or talk to people and generally don't socialise much. Tomorrow is going to be a major challenge for me. An informal (works) do (BBQ Christmas party with a major thunderstorm forecast, so outside might not be an option making indoors more crowded) at a diplomat's house in the capital city in the 'posh' end of town. HELP View attachment 4612 I will have nothing in common with anyone there, find social scenes difficult and awkward because I can't think about the 'tactful' response for too long before a reply is expected and what I usually say would be better said to a squaddie than in a work's do and as for the diplomatic scene... err, no. I may have had a private education in the UK, but I was just as difficult and awkward and out of place then. OK, I am probably worse now. I'm out of practice!
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The thing I find that helps is finding someone more uncomfortable than myself. (Oh wait, they usually seek us out.)
Just stay quiet and smile.
Sorry no help but have some empathy or sympathy or just a virtual hug.
 
morning glory said:
Be nosey.
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the problem is that with my OH's work, I have learnt not to be nosey. I would never know where he was, what he was doing and sometimes when he would be back... I did on one occasion establish that he was working in an old quarry with two security perimeters. When even a satellite went overhead everything and everyone had to undercover. That's about as much as I can say online!

Having worked for the armed forces as a civilian and managed a secure IT network (so no connection with the outside world and no internet access computer allowed within 10m of any secure computer (hard drives locked in massive bomb proof safes and 2 signs giving security levels for various alerts (including the risk of a mortar attack)) I have some idea of his security clearance level,

But I reached the very definite conclusion that it was better not to ask and not to know. I know he can't talk about his work, I can ask him how his day was, but details and info other than first names or 'the commodore', 'the colonel', 'the squadron leader' are a no-no. I only know he works indirectly for the Australian Navy here because things are much more relaxed on the security side of life here. I have literally driven up to the building he was working in to pick him up. It is totally open access, no restrictions, a public road running within 250m of the building etc. In the UK, I wouldn't even get close to the perimeter gate, and have to park up outside in the visitors area, go to reception and ask them to ring him for me... everything would be on security camera and the only reason I would not have to sign in would be that I would then return to the car with our car's permit on display!
 
@SatNavSaysStraightOn I think she means nosey as in what kind of books, music, hobbies, food do you like. Not nosey as in job, etc.
Heck food might be a good place to start. You do know your "diet" (for lack of a better word) intrigues us.
Oh and I will try to get you that sugar cookie recipe tomorrow.
 
Cinisajoy said:
@SatNavSaysStraightOn I think she means nosey as in what kind of books, music, hobbies, food do you like. Not nosey as in job, etc.
Heck food might be a good place to start. You do know your "diet" (for lack of a better word) intrigues us.
Oh and I will try to get you that sugar cookie recipe tomorrow.
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And I meant, not being nosey as in not asking q's full stop. It is a hard balance to find and not one I am good at. I either ask or I don't. I can't filter... hence the lack of tact and lack of diplomacy. My 'filters' don't engage before my thoughts announce themselves to the world sadly and my mind thinks faster than 'filters'.... Even now, I am thinking about 3 words behind what I am typing... I find that odd and have to double check what I have written because usually it is what I want, it is just it happens before the thought actually arrives in the 'processing centre'!
 
Is it just me or does anyone else find most modern watches huge crude and vulgar ? I remember when the very best watches [and these had REAL workings] were slim lightweight and [even men's] elegant. Now we seem to have to wear a battery watch [most of which appear to have the same far eastern internals] that appears to bear more resemblance to a mantle clock than a decent wristwatch.
 
Cinisajoy said:
@SatNavSaysStraightOn I think she means nosey as in what kind of books, music, hobbies, food do you like. Not nosey as in job, etc.
Heck food might be a good place to start. You do know your "diet" (for lack of a better word) intrigues us.
Oh and I will try to get you that sugar cookie recipe tomorrow.
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Yes, exactly that. I didn't mean asking about people their jobs. In social events most people prefer to talk about other things anyway. You will probably find that lots of people ask you how you are settling in to Australian life. Good cue for you to mention the good things about the food there and the chickens. This will be sure to spark a response from them.

Then ask them if they get time to cook. Hopefully they will say 'sometimes' and you can ask what kind of thing they cook. If they say no then you say something like, "well in the UK we have aisles and aisles of ready-meals of every type, but there don't seem to be so many here, how do you manage?" ( don't know if thats the case but I'm giving examples).

If they are a techie sort of person you could always ask advice about your new computer screen.
 
sidevalve said:
Is it just me or does anyone else find most modern watches huge crude and vulgar ? I remember when the very best watches [and these had REAL workings] were slim lightweight and [even men's] elegant. Now we seem to have to wear a battery watch [most of which appear to have the same far eastern internals] that appears to bear more resemblance to a mantle clock than a decent wristwatch.
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I rarely wear a wristwatch these days (why do I need to know the time?). We have a clock in the kitchen which, although it does not keep accurate time, it's adequate for cooking. When I do wear a watch it's a $100.00 Seiko which, by necessity has to have a reasonably large face (30 mm) to compensate for my failing eyesight.
 
sidevalve said:
Is it just me or does anyone else find most modern watches huge crude and vulgar ? I remember when the very best watches [and these had REAL workings] were slim lightweight and [even men's] elegant. Now we seem to have to wear a battery watch [most of which appear to have the same far eastern internals] that appears to bear more resemblance to a mantle clock than a decent wristwatch.
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A lot of them are I agree.
 
Yorky said:
I rarely wear a wristwatch these days (why do I need to know the time?). We have a clock in the kitchen which, although it does not keep accurate time, it's adequate for cooking. When I do wear a watch it's a $100.00 Seiko which, by necessity has to have a reasonably large face (30 mm) to compensate for my failing eyesight.
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I feel undressed without 1
 
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