The General Chat Thread (2016-2022)

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Timenspace said:
Yep, it gets the attention. We hear the actual sirens every first Saturday in the month here in Zagreb, supposedly a maintenance thing. It would have reminded me of the war, but it has been over 20 years ago, so it does get my attention, but it does not overwhelm me.
I think the unannounced/unannouncable events scare me more...
a floor above me new owners are renovating a flat, rough construction, apparently they accidentally kicked a brick or similar around 3 am...
Two nights ago, and in my dreams it transformed into an earthquake. It scared me a lot. I woke up from the adrenaline, called the kid, to realize it was only a nightmare...she did not hear me luckily, so she could continue her sleep. It took me 90 minutes and a podcast, to get back to sleep.
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If you have lived through wartime, I can imagine the sirens would be unnerving.

The tornado sirens are tested every first Wednesday of every month at 12:00 Noon here, all over North Texas. These sirens are very important in Texas. We have, on average, 155 tornadoes per year. We have 40 of these sirens in my city of Frisco. One is near my house. They are really loud. They could probably wake the dead.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvQAaRWCsw0


CD
 
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caseydog said:
loud
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40? Goodness...but ok, it makes sense, the larger the area, the more sirens needed. Yep, they sound them at noon here in Zagreb too. I told my kid why they do that, and it was really sweet when she told me she explained it further to her friend when they were out playing and it sounded...:)
Loud they are, yes. if it is very near you, not pleasant at all. Luckily it is over soon. The one we hear is not so near...so it is not too disturbing.
Prior to meeting my ex husband, <i lived in a pretty little street, in a rented flat, near a church. The bells sounded every 15 minutes, and then, every full hour, the number of hours. It was a nice, somewhat nsotalgic sound, but it was very very near, like a courtyard away, and one heard it every time, when home...but like with many things, one gets used to.:)
 
caseydog said:
city
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We had several fresh earthquake traumas ...several months ago, and a year ago, so...we are all in the process of getting through it.
caseydog said:
wartime
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Yeah, I was 16-20 y old, entered, and finished my Music Academy study during that time...(1991-1995)...we were quite all right in Zagreb, other parts of Croatia suffered beyond words. But let the past stay in the past.:)
 
Big fight with grandma today. I got all fired up soon as I entered the house and she was trashing my aunt, like she always does. Aunt is getting a divorce and her soon ex-husband decided to hire a lawyer. The lawyer will obviously do everything to make sure my aunt gets almost nothing from the divorce, but my aunt can't afford her own lawyer which means she's in a pretty bad place. Grandma doesn't have an inch of sympathy for her own daughter, and keeps criticizing her for wanting a divorce in the first place, for being a bad mom, spending too much money, etc. The way she talks you'd think my aunt is someone she knows and who does everything wrong, and not her own daughter. Then she wanted to ask me again why I didn't open the door for her on my birthday and accused me of telling a bunch of lies. Which is true, but would she ever understand it if I told her I don't want to spend my birthday with her because she's nagging and critical? I ended up yelling at her. Grandma clearly doesn't understand where she stands in life, a husband who dumped her and then stopped speaking with her, a son that no longer talks with her, a daughter she disapproves of, and grandchildren that don't pay her much attention. She said she'd be fine if she ends her life cut off from me too, but I know that's not true. Me, I'd be OK with not speaking to her ever again. I'll be here if she needs anything. Truth be said I'd rather financially support her than have to sit and have lunch with her.

I've thought hard about this, everyone tells me I should cut contact with her but I want to avoid that, it'll be a big hassle in the family and I know grandma will be heartbroken, so I've decided there'll be no more lunch at her house, I'll stop by Saturday morning. I can sit there for 30 minutes, a full hour or more if things are going well. That is, if she wants to keep seeing me, if she doesn't, I'm genuinely fine with that and that will be her decision. I feel like I've reached the end of my rope ever since I moved closer to her and she seizes every opportunity to stop by my house announced. If the housing market was not what it is right now I'd never be living here in the first place.
 
LissaC said:
Big fight with grandma today. I got all fired up soon as I entered the house and she was trashing my aunt, like she always does. Aunt is getting a divorce and her soon ex-husband decided to hire a lawyer. The lawyer will obviously do everything to make sure my aunt gets almost nothing from the divorce, but my aunt can't afford her own lawyer which means she's in a pretty bad place. Grandma doesn't have an inch of sympathy for her own daughter, and keeps criticizing her for wanting a divorce in the first place, for being a bad mom, spending too much money, etc. The way she talks you'd think my aunt is someone she knows and who does everything wrong, and not her own daughter. Then she wanted to ask me again why I didn't open the door for her on my birthday and accused me of telling a bunch of lies. Which is true, but would she ever understand it if I told her I don't want to spend my birthday with her because she's nagging and critical? I ended up yelling at her. Grandma clearly doesn't understand where she stands in life, a husband who dumped her and then stopped speaking with her, a son that no longer talks with her, a daughter she disapproves of, and grandchildren that don't pay her much attention. She said she'd be fine if she ends her life cut off from me too, but I know that's not true. Me, I'd be OK with not speaking to her ever again. I'll be here if she needs anything. Truth be said I'd rather financially support her than have to sit and have lunch with her.

I've thought hard about this, everyone tells me I should cut contact with her but I want to avoid that, it'll be a big hassle in the family and I know grandma will be heartbroken, so I've decided there'll be no more lunch at her house, I'll stop by Saturday morning. I can sit there for 30 minutes, a full hour or more if things are going well. That is, if she wants to keep seeing me, if she doesn't, I'm genuinely fine with that and that will be her decision. I feel like I've reached the end of my rope ever since I moved closer to her and she seizes every opportunity to stop by my house announced. If the housing market was not what it is right now I'd never be living here in the first place.
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The only reason I still get along with my mom is because we live 230 miles apart, so I see her three times per year. :laugh:

You gotta' do what you gotta' do. For me, it is never living within 200 miles of my mom. Set your boundaries. Like you said, if she chooses to shut you out of her life, that's her choice, not your fault.

CD
 
I am trying to get my sleep cycle back to normal. Since the Covid isolation, my sleep patterns have been all over the place. Lately, I can't sleep at night, and end up sleeping half the day.

So, I've been awake since 9PM yesterday, and I'm determined to stay awake until what used to be my bedtime, so I'll be so tired, I'll fall right to sleep. That's the plan, anyway. :scratchhead:

CD
 
LissaC said:
Big fight with grandma today. I got all fired up soon as I entered the house and she was trashing my aunt, like she always does. Aunt is getting a divorce and her soon ex-husband decided to hire a lawyer. The lawyer will obviously do everything to make sure my aunt gets almost nothing from the divorce, but my aunt can't afford her own lawyer which means she's in a pretty bad place. Grandma doesn't have an inch of sympathy for her own daughter, and keeps criticizing her for wanting a divorce in the first place, for being a bad mom, spending too much money, etc. The way she talks you'd think my aunt is someone she knows and who does everything wrong, and not her own daughter. Then she wanted to ask me again why I didn't open the door for her on my birthday and accused me of telling a bunch of lies. Which is true, but would she ever understand it if I told her I don't want to spend my birthday with her because she's nagging and critical? I ended up yelling at her. Grandma clearly doesn't understand where she stands in life, a husband who dumped her and then stopped speaking with her, a son that no longer talks with her, a daughter she disapproves of, and grandchildren that don't pay her much attention. She said she'd be fine if she ends her life cut off from me too, but I know that's not true. Me, I'd be OK with not speaking to her ever again. I'll be here if she needs anything. Truth be said I'd rather financially support her than have to sit and have lunch with her.

I've thought hard about this, everyone tells me I should cut contact with her but I want to avoid that, it'll be a big hassle in the family and I know grandma will be heartbroken, so I've decided there'll be no more lunch at her house, I'll stop by Saturday morning. I can sit there for 30 minutes, a full hour or more if things are going well. That is, if she wants to keep seeing me, if she doesn't, I'm genuinely fine with that and that will be her decision. I feel like I've reached the end of my rope ever since I moved closer to her and she seizes every opportunity to stop by my house announced. If the housing market was not what it is right now I'd never be living here in the first place.
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Just because they're family doesn't necessarily mean you have an obligation to get along with them or visit them.

Ask yourself this: "Self, if this person weren't my grannie, but just some woman I sort of knew, would I be friends with her?"

Probably not.

I think there's a lot of sadness in the world built around guilt and obligation to family. I know I wouldn't put up with that.
 
LissaC said:
Grandma
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Reflecting on this, I remembered how such extreme criticism is rather destructive. Fear is underlying. We all know that. But that is by no means an excuse for the Grandma or anyone to treat people around her in such a toxic way.

My wishes for you to find inner peace irrespective...🍀I think you are on a good way to achieve it.
 
TastyReuben said:
Just because they're family doesn't necessarily mean you have an obligation to get along with them or visit them.

Ask yourself this: "Self, if this person weren't my grannie, but just some woman I sort of knew, would I be friends with her?"

Probably not.

I think there's a lot of sadness in the world built around guilt and obligation to family. I know I wouldn't put up with that.
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I've asked that question myself in the past, and the answer is a clear no, if she were not my grandma I would never ever want anything to do with her.

But that's the mysterious nature of love, I love her, I just don't like who she is, and my heart will be broken to pieces the day something happens to her. And she has done a ton of things for me in the past, she has done a lot for all of us, I know I have a moral obligation to be there for her when she needs me. I'm just not sure, yet, if this moral obligation extends to company and emotional support, or if it should be a financial and material obligation only.
 
Timenspace said:
Reflecting on this, I remembered how such extreme criticism is rather destructive. Fear is underlying. We all know that. But that is by no means an excuse for the Grandma or anyone to treat people around her in such a toxic way.

My wishes for you to find inner peace irrespective...🍀I think you are on a good way to achieve it.
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Thank you so much for your kind words🥰
 
LissaC said:
I've asked that question myself in the past, and the answer is a clear no, if she were not my grandma I would never ever want anything to do with her.

But that's the mysterious nature of love, I love her, I just don't like who she is, and my heart will be broken to pieces the day something happens to her. And she has done a ton of things for me in the past, she has done a lot for all of us, I know I have a moral obligation to be there for her when she needs me. I'm just not sure, yet, if this moral obligation extends to company and emotional support, or if it should be a financial and material obligation only.
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You love her and this sometimes lets things going more difficult when we love someone but at same time we don’t like him/her.
This generates an inner fighting where who receives this kind of behaviour almost automatically feels like guilty with million questions in the head, whilst who does this normally not even thinks about it.
It’s not an on-off button, however I think that take some distance from her to preserve yourself, should be ok.
 
My friend Jack and I will spend the afternoon playing a detective board game
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