What are you wearing today (2024)?

No one I know of wears black for an extended period of mourning, and haven’t in my lifetime, AFAIK.

Black/grey is still mainly seen at funerals, but there will also be people dressed in casual clothes as well, like shorts and a t-shirt. Some of the old folks will still tut-tut at that, but most of us realize that ship sailed a long time ago, and just the fact that they showed up is reason enough to let it slide.

When my in-laws passed, they both had memorial services in an area of Florida with a huge retirement population - no one, not even the pastor, was in a suit or dark colors. Lots of pastels, and some light greys, but a whole lot of linen and lots of golf shorts and Hawaiian-style shirts.
 
Timenspace said:
Really? I suppose differences are significant. Thank you for sharing.

Here it is very, very common. Not wearing black would be tolerated, but it makes for a very low percentage of people who would not wear black. It is a sign of respect, not so much religious determination.

If a person would tell me, no need to wear black, I would respect that too. When a school colleaugue died several years ago, we all wore black to her funeral, navy is fine too, dark grey also, but it is basically expected.

It is also not strictly prescribed how long you wear black. Depends on the closeness of the person who died and yourself. I reckon a month, as I wrote in this instance.

When my Grandma, maternal, died, in 2001, my Mom and I wore black for,hm, possibly 3 months. Unsure, long time ago. But we certainly wore. There was no doubt about it.

By saying I don't have to, I meant we are not married (or engaged, yet), I never met his Dad in person, unsure if he knew about my existance. However, in the 4, almost 5 years of boyfriend and me are a couple, we spoke so much about his Dad's declining health, his Mom's worries, the difficulties, all the medical issues, that I absolutely feel I was a part of my boyfriend's support system.

Above all, am grateful to his Dad to have created him, and respect him. His Mom as well, goes without saying.

I love my boyfriend, so to me co-wearing black is a sign of togetherness, empathy and co-sadness. This is how I feel, sincerely. He did not require it. It is not only the clothing, I prayed so many times, cried, supported, worried, so it is the whole package.

I am quite old fashioned in several respects, this may be one of them.

In the religious framework, it is a moment, period of loss, grief, but also humble joy and gratitude for the eternal peace and encounter with God and all the Saints and previously deceased persons. I won't go into that topic, but you know, we all do, what the dogmas are.

I appreciate your post.🩵🤗
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I do always wear black or dark clothing to a funeral and any services after, but here in the US some people don't, though they will wear modest clothes in muted colors and skirts, dresses, dress shirts, ties, suits, etc. are common. The following day people return to normal clothing choices. I am aware that it is an old custom to have a period of mourning after a death in the family so I do understand your need to wear black out of respect.
 
Personally for a funeral I wear black or black.
I don’t enjoy being made to wear bright or jolly clothing on a sad day.
The last bright clothing funeral I went to I hated. It’s a sad day, stop trying to make it otherwise by insisting I wear bright clothing, it doesn’t work, you’re still sad, just sad in a different dress code.

May as well put smiley faces on the invite, that’ll kid everyone it’s a fun occasion.

Plus those bright clothes I wore that day I haven’t worn since because every time I see them I think bout the funeral.
 
Now, we had a coworker pass suddenly a few years ago - she was from India.

When her family had the celebration gathering here, they were very adamant about explaining that death wasn’t sad, and the event was meant to be joyous, as we were helping send their soul off to the next place with happiness, and to please refrain from black or dark colors, as it would bring the mood down, which could impact their loved one in their passing over.

I’m atheist, probably more agnostic (I just hate labels), so for me, that fell into the category of showing respect for their beliefs, whether I believed it or not, and the family were pretty direct in passing along that it wasn’t just a ritual or tradition, that they firmly, truly believed their loved one was passing over and needed all the light and love and joy from us to make it a good one.

Good mix of Indian and non-Indian guests, and…most of the Americans were in somber colors. Several even acknowledged they knew they were supposed to, but “it just didn’t feel right.”

To me, that was throwing over the family’s wishes and specific instructions on how to show respect at their service, and supplanting it with the guests’ own, sort of like saying, “Yeah, I hear you, Manju, but the way we do it here is wear black and cry all over everything, get with the program, you’re in America now!” - that really bothered me.
 
TastyReuben said:
Now, we had a coworker pass suddenly a few years ago - she was from India.

When her family had the celebration gathering here, they were very adamant about explaining that death wasn’t sad, and the event was meant to be joyous, as we were helping send their soul off to the next place with happiness, and to please refrain from black or dark colors, as it would bring the mood down, which could impact their loved one in their passing over.

I’m atheist, probably more agnostic (I just hate labels), so for me, that fell into the category of showing respect for their beliefs, whether I believed it or not, and the family were pretty direct in passing along that it wasn’t just a ritual or tradition, that they firmly, truly believed their loved one was passing over and needed all the light and love and joy from us to make it a good one.

Good mix of Indian and non-Indian guests, and…most of the Americans were in somber colors. Several even acknowledged they knew they were supposed to, but “it just didn’t feel right.”

To me, that was throwing over the family’s wishes and specific instructions on how to show respect at their service, and supplanting it with the guests’ own, sort of like saying, “Yeah, I hear you, Manju, but the way we do it here is wear black and cry all over everything, get with the program, you’re in America now!” - that really bothered me.
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I've never been to one of those, but if it was made that adamantly clear, I would be sure to follow the custom of the family and departed!
 
TastyReuben said:
Now, we had a coworker pass suddenly a few years ago - she was from India.

When her family had the celebration gathering here, they were very adamant about explaining that death wasn’t sad, and the event was meant to be joyous, as we were helping send their soul off to the next place with happiness, and to please refrain from black or dark colors, as it would bring the mood down, which could impact their loved one in their passing over.

I’m atheist, probably more agnostic (I just hate labels), so for me, that fell into the category of showing respect for their beliefs, whether I believed it or not, and the family were pretty direct in passing along that it wasn’t just a ritual or tradition, that they firmly, truly believed their loved one was passing over and needed all the light and love and joy from us to make it a good one.

Good mix of Indian and non-Indian guests, and…most of the Americans were in somber colors. Several even acknowledged they knew they were supposed to, but “it just didn’t feel right.”

To me, that was throwing over the family’s wishes and specific instructions on how to show respect at their service, and supplanting it with the guests’ own, sort of like saying, “Yeah, I hear you, Manju, but the way we do it here is wear black and cry all over everything, get with the program, you’re in America now!” - that really bothered me.
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Well I get that completely and wearing black when the family sincerely believe that’s not a good thing and have strong beliefs they need colour is just rude and not helpful for the people grieving most.

I am more referring to the folk’s family who’s think their funeral shouldn’t be in dark colours because that’s sad, even though that’s what everyone is comfortable with.
Dark colours is our usual tradition, that is our ritual, our way of mourning and showing respect.
Honestly the two occasions I had to dress brightly I felt like a clown, fancy dress for frivolity on the outside whilst crying on the inside, and sometimes those tears leak out, it feels ridiculous.

I suppose it really comes down to what the family want but I won’t be kidding myself asking everyone to wear bright colours when it isn’t appropriate given the way people are feeling. I’ve always respected the family’s wishes, hence wearing bright clothes when I don’t want to. Your Indian friends family should have had exactly what they wanted, that funeral with their traditions means bright colours and people IMO should respect that.
 
SandwichShortOfAPicnic said:
you’re still sad, just sad in a different dress code.
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Yes. True. I feel the same way.

We will still be working through the grief, even when we go back to usual clothing. I reckon.

With my Grandma, it took me about a year, in some ways maybe a tad longer to be at peace with her absence. We were very close. She lived with us, because of me. She helped raise me.

There are so many layers with my boyfriend's Dad that will take healing. Feelings of anger, condemnation, dissapointment, efforts, frustration, fear, helplessness, hope and hopelesness, trust, faith, optimism/pessimism, intrafamily relations, their history, present, future and changing dynamics...we will manage. God's Grace be with us.

We all know what is in it.

Have a wonderful evening.🩵
 
TastyReuben said:
specific instructions on how to show respect at their service
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Thank you for sharing.
If that was the case, I would obey the family's and the departed wishes.
However, it is very different here.
So we respectfully have different settings.
You did your best.
You would never disrespect so there would never be a problem with you, you are a generous and kind person.

Have a lovely evening!
 
JAS_OH1 said:
I've never been to one of those, but if it was made that adamantly clear, I would be sure to follow the custom of the family and departed!
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Absolutely. Agreed.
Thank you,also for the previous post that I just 👍 'liked'.
Hope you enjoy the rest of the day!
 
When I depart, I’m having afternoon tea for my “service,” and folks can dress however they like.

If I happen to pass sooner than expected and my brother Lee is still alive, I have no doubt he’ll attend dressed like a British monarch at a coronation parade. He’s good that way. :laugh:
 
When my FIL passed away, there were hundreds of people at the funeral home (the law in Venezuela is that the body needs to be buried/cremated within 24 hours). He was "THE" public relations man, so he knew everyone and everybody.
In his will, he provided a generous amount of money for a wake, but specified it was to be held in his apartment, in front of the bay, in Pampatar, Margarita. We took his ashes out in a couple of small boats and scattered them across the bay:
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and then we went back to the apartment and had a good old, proper party, with food, drink and general fun. This was a 4.5 kg red snapper we baked in a salt crust to soak up the booze:
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